It's the craziest thing...
The closer Mav gets to finishing the police academy the more I seem to accept it! Not really the crazy part... The crazy part is how everytime I see a cop car I think, that'll be Mav... And then I envision some terrible fate awaiting the officer. In the snow storm, he stops to help someone who has slid off the road and another idiot driving way too fast slides off and hits him. He decides to pull someone over for speeding, and that random someone happens to be smuggling drugs, stoned beyond reality, and ends up shooting him...
It is easily the most morbid and depressing hobby of mine.
It's sad... It brings tears to my eyes! I really don't want him doing this... and at the same time I don't want him staying at Smiths forever, because he hates it there. Ugh. How then do I learn to quit waiting for every moment to be the moment some random officer is going to knock on my door and tell me how sorry they are?
Despite our struggles, I really don't know what I would do without this man. My never-ending source of support and love... The one who, at the end of the day sees my worst and loves me anyway. I guess from here on out I make sure everyday that he knows I love him, because who knows if it will be the last time I get to say it?
I know, I know... Be positive, don't think like that, don't even imagine it!
Put yourself in that spot, and tell me how easy it is not to think about it.
Anyways... I feel a little better putting that down, and not keeping it all bottled up all the time. :-)
Sweetie, I love your crazy mind! I think everything your going through is normal, at least to some extent.. Hang in there, Mav is a good man who will be super careful all the time! lol or at least that's what he'll tell you...
ReplyDeleteAwwww. Not sure what to say except that I hope you start having less & less of those thoughts. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteJohnny would tell me stories about how guys would mess up and shock them self so bad there hearts would stop... And how even 120 volt could kill you... Yeah I would come up with all sorts of ways he was going to die at work... When it was the worse it would help for him to call me on his lunch just to say hi and so I can tell him I love him and then after a while the crazy thoughts slowly started to go away... But Johnny still humors me when I call him and tell him to be carefull just cause I have a scary thought of him getting hurt.... But I agree with you as a police officer I would freak out way more... Love does crazy things to you...
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